SPORTS AND RECREATION
Basketball
There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket —Abe Lemons
Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up —Bill Vaughn
The idea is not to block every shot. The idea is to make your opponent believe that you might block every shot —Bill Russell
Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they're afraid they might get hit by a pass —George Raveling
The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy —Jerry Tarkanian
Basketball is like photography. If you don't focus, all you have is the negative —Dan Frisby
The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not —Charles Barkley
I keep both eyes on my man. The basket hasn't moved on my yet —Julius Erving
I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that either —Dave Barry
Basketball doesn't build character. It reveals it.
You don't play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball —Bobby Knight
Baseball/Softball
People ask me what I do in the winter where there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out teh window and wait for spring. —Rogers Hornsby
I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile —Tom Clark
A hot dog at the ball game beats roast beef at the Ritz —Humphrey Bogart
You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you, too —Roy Campanella
I don't want to play golf. When I hit the ball, I want someone else to go chase it —Rogers Hornsby
I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen —Bob Lemon
The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love —Bryant Gumbel
There are only two seasons—winter and baseball —Bill Veeck
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back —Woody Allen
Golf
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf —Robert Lynd
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad —A.A. Milne
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Forget your opponents; always play against par —Sam Snead
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser —Arnold Palmer
The say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that —Gardner Dickinson
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick —P.J. O'Rourke
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water —Bob Ryan
I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators —Gerald Ford
I got for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball —Gene Perret
Football
Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that —Bill Shankly
When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately—unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something —Dick Butkus
When you win, nothing hurts —Joe Namath
You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four —Dan Birdwell
Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it —Heywood Hale Brown
American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party —Sue Lawley
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public —Phyllis Diller
Soccer
The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does —Phil Woosnam
I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion —Mia Hamm
Soccer is the opera of the people —A. Burgess
The goalkeeper is the jewel in the crown and getting at him should be almost impossible. It's the biggest sin in [soccer] to make him do any work —George Graham
Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence —Bobby Charlton
Tennis
I let my racket do the talking. That's what I am all about, really. I just out and win tennis matches. —Pete Sampras
Tennis is an addiction that once it has truly hooked a man will not let him go —Russell Lynes
The serves was invented so that the net could play —Bill Cosby
In tennis the addict moves about a hard rectangle and seeks to ambush a fuzzy ball with a modified snow-show —Elliot Chase
Anybody who can dial a telephone can master tennis scoring in about 15 minutes —Bradley Whitford
My country is taking over in tennis —Yevgeny Kafelnikov
The only possible regret I have is the feeling that I will die without having played enough tennis —Jean Borotra
If you can't take a punch, you should play table tennis —Tracy Austin
If you can keep playing tennis when somebody is shooting a gun down the street, that's concentration —Serena Williams
It's pretty hard being a tennis player and a Mother Teresa at the same time and that's just the way is is —Maria Sharapova
Hockey
Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins
Some people skate to the puck. I skate to where the puck is going to be. —Wayne Gretzky
My other care is a Zamboni
High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing...everything else is just figure skating
Hockey is the original extreme sport —Tom Ward
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out —Rodney Dangerfield
Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept —Doug Larsen
A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another —Jimmy Cannon
Ice hockey players can walk on water
How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo? —Jacques Plante
Hockey is figure skating in a war zone
My goal is to deny yours
When Hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there too.
All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity —Gordie Howe
We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital —Brad Park
Volleyball
Volleyball is my life. Everything else is just details.
Volleyball is a dandy game and more besides —Peter Wardale
We can handle a little floor burn now and then
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog —Archie Griffin
Actions speak louder than coaches
Carnivorous volleyball: win or be eaten
Anyone serious about playing indoor, you should play outdoor —Sean Scott
Cheerleading
A good cheerleader is not measured by the height of her jumps but by the span of her spirit.
Simply because we do not run across goal lines, slam dunk basketballs, or hit home runs, doesn't mean we can't change the score.
There is no halftime for cheerleaders!
If cheerleading got any easier, it would be called football.
The referees have always been blind; it's our job to make them deaf.
Cheerleaders know that pyramids were not build in Egypt.
Cheerleaders are angels—we're the only humans who can fly.
It's hard to be humble when you can jump, stunt and tumble!
Dancing
How can we know the dancer from the dance? —William Butler Yeats
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance —Japanese Proverb
There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good —Edwin Denby
Dancing is like dreaming with your feet —Constanze
The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie —Agnes de Mille
Dancers are instruments, like a piano the choreographer plays —George Balanchine
Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.
Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals —Charles Baudelaire
Dancing is the poetry of the foot —John Dryden
There are three steps you have to complete to become a professional dancer: learn to dance, learn to perform and learn how to cope with injuries —D. Gere
Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired —Martha Graham
Movement never lies. It is a barometer telling the state of the soul's weather to all who can read it —Martha Graham
It takes an athlete to dance, but an artist to be a dancer —Shanna Lafleur
Boating/Sailing
It is not the ship so much as the skillful sailing that assures the prosperous voyage —George William Curtis
If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable —Seneca
Ships are the nearest things to dreams that hand have ever made —Robert N. Rose
There is NOTHING—absolutely nothing—half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats —Kenneth Grahame
Who is staring at the sea is already sailing a little —Paul Carvel
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails —William A. Ward
The lovely thing about cruising is that planning usually turns out to be of little use —Dom Degnon
There is nothing more enticing, disenchanting, and enslaving than the life at sea —Joseph Conrad
Never a ship sails out of bay, but carries my heart as a stowaway —Roselle Mercier Montgomery
Land was created to provide a place for boats to visit —Brooks Atkinson
The days pass happily with me wherever my ship sails —Joshua Slocum
Not all who wander are lost —JRR Tolkien
To young men contemplating a voyage I would say go —Joshua Slocum
I thought I would sail about a little and see the water part of the world —Herman Melville, Moby Dick
A sailor is an artist whose medium is the wind —Webb Chiles
Hiking
If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk —Raymond Inmon
Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow —Henry David Thoreau
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time —Steven Wright
My father considered a walk among the mountains as the equivalent of churchgoing —Aldous Huxley
After a day's walk everything has twice its usual value —George Macauley Trevelyan
I dream of hiking into my old age —Marlyn Doan
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks —John Muir
Walks. The body advances, while the mind flutters around it like a bird —Jules Renard
If I could not walk far and fast, I think I should just explode and perish —Charles Dickens
Not all who wander are lost —JRR Tolkien
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds —Edgar Abbey
In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous —Aristotle
Just one more hill—it's all flat from there.
Swimming
Don't wait for your ship to come in—swim out to it.
H2O: two parts Heart and one part Obsession
Chlorine is my perfume
If the world was flat, I'd probably swim off it.
It's a good idea to begin at the bottom in everything except in learning to swim.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? —Steven Wright
When the earth floods from global warming, the swimmers will rule the world.
If you have a lane, you have a chance.
Oxygen is overrated.
Chlorine: The breakfast of champions!
We swim because we are too sexy for a sport that requires clothes.
The water is my sky.
Breaststroke is an athletic event; butterfly is a political statement —Paul Tsongas
Gymnastics
Flexible people don't get bent out of shape.
Gymnasts defeat gravity.
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours —Sam Ewing
Rhythmic gymnastics makes football look easy.
Bowling
The bowling alley is the poor man's country club —Sanford Hansell
One advantage of bowling over golf is that you never lose the bowling ball.
Every bowling center should have a house pro —Don Johnson
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head —Martin Mull
Even if you don't knock a lot of pins down, be sure to strike a pretty pose! —Clyde Higa
I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm probably going to go bowling with all my girlfriends —Drew Barrymore
TURKEY!
Bowling is a sport that should be right down your alley.
If you can't hear a pin drop then something is definitely wrong with your bowling.
Exercise
Those who think hey have not time for bodily exercise will sooner than later have to find time for illness —Edward Stanley
Fitness—if it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body —Cher
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time—pills or stairs —Joan Welsh
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing —Marsha Doble
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon —Ellen DeGeneres
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit —Phyllis Diller
Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains and cramps.
It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor —Marcus Tullius Cicero
I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me —Mark Twain
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